I just got moved, and the very large lady in the cubicle next to mine chews obnoxiously loud. She hasn’t stopped eating since this morning.

Was excited to find out I was promoted today. Was less excited to meet my new boss, who I met two months ago at a party, slept with and never called back. 

I wanted to forward a funny, but graphic chain e-mail to my friend Pat. When I typed his name into Outlook, it auto-filled the field with the e-mail of Patricia, who I work with. Meeting with HR in an hour.

My girlfriend e-mailed me some pretty racy pictures of herself. I was at home last night, and wanted to print them out, but it wasn’t working for some reason. Turns out that reason is that I was sending the job to my work printer. This morning, six copies of her e-mail were in the print queue, and were the first things to print. I didn’t know until the receptionist brought them to me.

The “T” and “G” keys really shouldn’t be so close together. Just got chewed out by my boss for accidentally ending a customer email with “Best Retards.” The customer wasn’t amused.

Just got yelled at by the boss of my 15-person company for “fucking up” our biggest customer’s order. “How hard is it to put the right product in the box, Paul?”  My name is Dan, and I work in accounting.

I’ve been trying to get a few days off for about six months now. I finally got ten minutes to talk to my boss, and he told me how much he “appreciated all my hard work, but we can’t afford to lose” me for any amount of time right now. “Given how understaffed we are right now, we all have to work a little harder to pick up the slack.” He was calling from his vacation home.